1) I’ve been feeling isolated from the world. Not literally, but rather… spiritually/mentally. It seems like I’m the only one who can understand myself. It seems like the world is getting annoyed at me and trying to avoid me. I don’t know what makes me feel this way, but it’s just a feeling, so I hope it’ll go away quickly. I don’t actually know what’s happening. Am I the one who is getting annoyed at everyone and trying to avoid them or are they the ones doing those things to me? In this case, ‘they’ refers to people in general, so stop speculating who I’m trying to refer to. I just find it hard to understand how some people think sometimes. I wished I could read their minds. I wished I could be more understanding. I wished people would stop ignoring me and treating me like someone with no opinions. I don’t talk much, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have thoughts and opinions. I have them, but it’s just that I don’t get enough opportunities to express how I feel sometimes. Or even when I get such opportunities, no one would be interested and no one would listen. Perhaps you might say that I’m attention-seeking, but no, I don’t think so because it seems as though I’m someone who doesn’t even deserve the slightest attention sometimes. Oh well, what can I do? I’m a boring person and I would always give boring or useless opinions and thoughts. :( Maybe I should only keep my opinions and thoughts to myself. Maybe I should only share them with people at home.

2) Even at this point of time, I’m still wondering why the college didn’t give me an ‘opportunity’ to retain. I describe retainment as an opportunity as I thought it might have benefitted me. To be honest, I am struggling hard now and it’s no fun at all. I really hate Econs nowadays, especially the tutorials. I can’t understand what’s going on and there’s no way to stop my tutor as it would only mean that I would disturb other’s learning pace. I can only depend on my independent revision and my SRP tutor. But at least there’s something to be glad about: I have an awesome SRP tutor. I hope I can really do well for MBT and stop disappointing people who are putting in so much effort to help me. I appreciate their efforts and I promise to work even harder.

3) Super Show 4 is this Saturday and I’m extremely excited about it! I hope that those people who would be sitting in between my sister and I would be kind enough to exchange their seats with both of us so that we can sit next to each other! I’m glad to know that Leeteuk would be there because my sister has been wanting to see him for a long time! And well, of course Shindong would be there but I hope that after this concert, I would focus on another member rather than him. Not that I’m disliking or despising him now, but… it’s just that I feel that I should rank someone else number one instead of him. Kyuhyun? Siwon? Donghae? Ah whoever it is, I know that the concert would be a great one. :) I sometimes wish I have someone who likes them as much as I do in school, but it’s alright because at least I have my sister. :)

I’m feeling kinda tired now so I shall go through the lecture slides once before turning in. Goodnight and have a great day/night ahead! ^^

Dream. I’ve had several dreams but when I think back about them, I would always tell myself that I’ll never good enough for this and that, people would be more capable than me and I would definitely fail miserably. I really don’t know why I keep pulling myself down. I really don’t know. I think I’ve forgotten to put staying positive as one of my new year’s resolutions. :( Can someone tell me what can I do to stop myself from being so negative?…

1) To have a smooth-sailing year ahead for my family (this is the exact same resolution I had for last year, and I guess it would always be)
I don’t actually know how to express my love for my family as I’m not good with my words or actions. But I guess they are really very important to me. In fact they most important group of people in my life. (I’m not trying to say that my friends are not important, but there are just things that friends, no matter how hard they try, can’t give you) Really hope that every member of my family would be leading a happy year ahead and that there would be less disputes and misunderstandings. I hope we would be more understanding and caring towards one another and that we love one another more. Thanks mum and dad for everything for the past 17 years and I hope that 2012 would be a way better year than 2011. :)

2) To do well for A-levels (at least decent enough to get into a local Uni)
I mean, come on, who doesn’t want this? I know, I know, everyone wants to do well in examinations and all, but this year would be tough and I’m gonna pray hard. Not being pessimistic here, but rather realistic. I don’t know how the year would go, but I promise to work hard and I hope my zest for studying (seriously) would last for the year. Fingers crossed and I’m really praying hard that I’d be hardworking.

3) To lose some weight
I feel like laughing when I type this out, but it’s true. I need to lose some weight. FYI, this was also my resolution last year and I’ve recycled it again~ So apparently my resolution for last year was a failure and well, I guess I have to work harder this year. The reason for wanting to lose weight is not because I’m a superficial bitch who cares only about appearance and all, but I guess it’s for health purposes. I mean I’m still considered as healthy and all but I believe that I can be healthier, haha. But… to be honest, I do care how I look but I won’t go on an intensive diet to that extent that I refuse any food that would be given to me, cause that’s really crazy. I really love food, muahahaha.

4) To keep in contact with people whom I love
I believe there was a similar resolution last year but I guess this would be one of our resolutions every time when it’s time to graduate from our schools. Oh my, I just realised that I would be graduating from MJ this year, asdfddgfhghg! Alright, I have to calm myself down, phew. Anyway, thinking about graduating is hyping me up, even though I stupidly know that there is stil a long way to go before the torturous process ends. :D Anyway, back to my point, I hope that I would still be able to stay in contact with people whom I love. I shan’t list them here because… Nope, the list isn’t that long but I guess some people would be disappointed if their names are not here. (Well, apparently there are some people whom I don’t really want to contact after I graduate. I know I’m a real bitch, so I’m sorry for that.) Ah, that last statement was unnecessary but whatever, :)

5) To go to SS4 with my sister
Alright, this is probably the most meaningless resolution of all (for you) but I don’t care as I am still gonna talk about it. This is my first time wanting to go to a concert so much because Super Junior is coming to Singapore on my birthday month and they’re holding a concert two days before my birthday. Alright, no big deal to you, you and you (points) but I don’t care. Ever love someone so much that you’re willing to spend a few hundred bucks just to watch their performance? Well if you don’t, you probably wouldn’t understand how I’m feeling, but knowing that they’re holding SS4 in Singapore is good enough, haha. Looking forward to it! I can’t wait to see Shindong and Siwon, and I can’t wait to hear Kyuhyun’s and Yesung’s voices. :)

Anyway, I really hope that in 2012, I would be a better person. I hope I would leave behind all the hatred and sadness, and welcome this new year with joy and excitement. I hope that everyone would have a great year ahead, and may I lead this year with no regrets.

1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month you are number 1.
2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then you are number 2.
3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then you are number 3.
4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then you are Number 4.
5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then you are number 5.
6th, 15th, 24th of any month then you are number 6.
7th, 16th, 25th of any month then you are number 7.
8th, 17th, 26th of any month then you are number 8.
9th, 18th, 27th of any month then you are number 9.

Number 1
You are smart, a straight talker, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest, jealous on a competitive basis, kind hearted, temperamental, friendly, and popular. You always want to be on the top and most likely to be independent. You are most likely to fall in love at a young age, but will marry once you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and talented in numerous areas. But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. Because of your intelligence, some might hate you. You are a pioneer, independent & original your best match is 4, 6, 8 while a good match would be with 3,5,7

Number 2
No matter what, every one will love you because you are ruled by the Moon. You day dream a lot, you have a very low-self esteem, you need to have a back up for every move in your life, you are very unpredictable. You tend to change according to time and circumstances, selfish, have a very strong sense of musical and artistic talent and powerful verbal communication. You can be sweet as an angel and can be ruthless when double-crossed. Some might say you have a sixth sense. You will become a poet, writer, an artist or a businessperson. You are not strong in love, so your relationship will be in disarray until you settle down. If you are a girl, you will be responsible for your family. If you are a man, you tend to get involve in fights & arguments in the family. You will sacrifice your life for your family. You are gentle, intuitive with a broad vision. You make a well-balanced person. Your best match is 2, 7,5, and 9 no other people can put up with you!!!

Number 3
You are hardhearted and selfish most of the time. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will be able to cope with everything. You seem to have your way in everything. And from birth you
would always have to work hard to achieve anything you want. You always make a point to set examples on others, especially the younger ones. Generally you are not a cool person. It’s not easy dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you are comfortable with someone, it will be a lasting friendship. You always earn respect from others. Your Ilk seems to have lots of worries and problems but they won’t be for long. You will have brilliant kids! You love money a bit too much so temptation will push you to try endlessly. You will look after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except for men born on the 21st). You love your freedom, creative and ambitious, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!! Your best match 6 and 9. Good match 1, 3, and 5

Number 4
You are very stubborn, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool and helpful. You might repel people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you area man, as you gifted are with understanding other people’s problems. If you are a girl, you excel in your studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of your time with girl friends and you tend to have too much fun with your mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and
get on with their life and you will be left empty handed. So be careful! You love to spend. Your positive side is that you are always around to help family and friends. You always fall in love with those younger than you. You often live with disappointments but you will take good care of your family. You need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart (ahaks!). And beware of your relationships too. You are radical, patient, persistent, and a hit old-fashioned; you live with foundation & order. Your best match 1, 8. Good match 5, 6, and 7

Number 5
You are very popular and you can get things done only by talking. Even to your enemies! You are business-minded and like to do things spontaneously. You will be famous if you get involved in any business. Your friends and families will always ask for your help, and you are the one actually with the money to help your friends. You will have more than one relationship, but when you settle down you tend to be selfish. You tend to go for other relationships – even if you are married at times because of your popularity. You tend to get along easily with anyone because the numbers is a middle number. You love freedom and changes. You learn your life through your personal experiences. Your best match 1, 2, Good match 6, 8.

Number 6
Ooopppss… You were born to enjoy! You don’t care about others. I mean you always wanted to have a lifetime of enjoyment. You will excel in either education or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), and popular. All good things come easily to you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are loveable by any number. But if you are a number 6 men, you will be involved in more than a few relationships until you get married. If you are a girl, most of you will get married/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family and friends. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world’s wounds to make peace for everyone because you have the great power and caring talent to take the world of love one step further.. Your best match 7, 6, and 9. Good match 4, 5

Number 7
You are realistic, confident, happy, and talented in education, music, art, singing, and most importantly in acting. You also have a bad temper! You value your family status a lot; you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls. Most of the number 7s faces lots of problems with their married life. Only a few are happy. You have everything in your life but with worries throughout your lifetime. You need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don’t, then you might end-up being single. You are born to contribute to everyone’s joy. Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1, 4

Number 8
You have a very strong personality and people will find it hard to understand you. You are more likely to suffer in your younger years. You might be also the one responsible to look out for your family. You often suffer all the way through life. You will learn life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may even die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with a handful of friends and most of the time, live life alone and always prepared to help others. However, once you settle down, (which is often late), then your had lucks will disappear. You will face unexpected problems such as encountering poisonous animals, and accidents. You are highly- disciplined, persistence, and courageous, and it is your strength that will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter! Your Best match 1, 4 and 8. Good match 5

Number 9
You guys are the most incompatible people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally. You often have big-aims. You will work hard and will think it’s still hard to get there, even if you already have gotten there! Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have to fight in life. You are respected by others. You were however very naughty in your childhood, and often got beaten up by your parents and had been involved in fights and you seemed to have suffered lots of injuries. But when you grow older you become calm and will fall into the quiet and dignified macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are however good in engineering or banking jobs because people always trust you. Your family life is very good, but you will always worry over your children. Your finer qualities are that you are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one equally without any prejudice. You are a role model for everyone. Your best match 3, 5, 6, and 9. Good match 2

That gave me goosebumps and I really salute both of them. I didn’t know a Christmas song could sound like this. :’) I think I have to get back to “work” because my tumblr is running out of pictures and I have to go and hunt for more. :) Seeya!

PS: I WANNA GO TO SS4 SO MUCH THAT I WAS DREAMING ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT!

PS: I’m so annoyed with this person because she’s forever treating me like shit. Thanks for only approaching me when you need me and treating me like a glass when you have someone else to talk to. Thanks so much.

Couldn’t be bothered to take a photo of it but uh, how cares. I’m the one wearing it anyway. ;) Sorry for being so indifferent about things now because I didn’t have a good sleep last night and I’m really tired now. I guess it’s time for me to take a nap so that I’ll enjoy tonight more. :)

Life’s been mediocre nowadays but singing Christmas carols has made my life a little better than before, though I have to admit that ever since after promos, I’ve lost the ability to sing properly, argh. Christmas carols are really fun and heartwarming, and I guess I love them all. I love Christmas actually. I miss how my extended family would still hold Christmas gatherings annually at someone’s house without fail, but since two years ago, we’ve stopped doing that. It’s a pity. /nods But my love for Christmas hasn’t been affected, which is a good thing. :) I can’t wait for Christmas! I should seriously get some gifts soon~

Actually, I have been emotional these few days thinking about life and such, and none of the thoughts has an optimistic outcome. I kept thinking that life is after all meaningless. (No, not suicidal so you don’t have to call an ambulance to save me now) I was just returning home from school today when I saw the bicycle shop which was near my house. The owner has everything he needed — a stable job, a wife, and a kid. What more can he ask for? But I realise how aimless my life would be if I’m in his shoes. What would it be like tomorrow? What should I do tomorrow? In fact, every time I walk past his shop, he would always be sitting at the corner of the shop, reading a newspaper or just staring into space. I mean, he might like what he is doing for his passion for those two-wheeled machines, but… what is the aim or goal he has in his life? To sell as many bikes as possible every day? I really don’t know. I’m sorry if what I said doesn’t make sense, but I’m trying to say that as students, we at least have an aim or a goal to strive for but imagine if we were to go out and work in the future where all we could aim for is to get a higher position and salary. How is that even meaningful?~ Okay, this really sounds depressing so I shouldn’t continue anymore. I sometimes wonder what goes through in my mind to think about such weird things. /sigh

Besides thinking about life and stuff, I’ve also come to face the cold reality of being an incompetent friend. I don’t actually know how many people consider myself as their true friend, but I do have to say that I have a handful of them whom I can trust and depend on. Yeah, whatever. I’m very dependent on others even though I’m the eldest (older) one at home. Back to the point, what I wanna say is that I’ve always been feeling disappointed in friendships I’ve made for the past few years actually. Why? Because I’m always feeling as though I’m not a good enough friend for others to trust and depend on. As mentioned, I do have a few whom I can trust and depend on, but I think none of them would trust me enough and depend on me when they need help. I’m not being pessimistic, but I’m just stating the fact. Perhaps I’m too unapproachable. Perhaps I’m to emotional. Perhaps I’m useless. I don’t know, but it seems that the way others treat me is very important to me. I saw this post on tumblr and it went like this: “That awkward moment when you find out that the best friend of your best friend is not you.” Well, it’s really awkward but if it’s me, I would be more upset and heartbroken than ever to find the truth out. I also hate it when people (friends) give me the feeling that they are being forced to call (or text) me. Hello there, you’re not being forced so you’re not obliged to phone me up or text me. I hate picking up phonecalls anyway.

I honestly miss those times when we would fear if our bills would go sky high because we were simply texting too much. I miss those “How are you?” and “What are you doing now?” texts a lot. Because of things like whatsapp and other social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, we feel less important for us to talk to our friends because everything that we want to know would be updated on facebook or tweeted. I still remember how I “lost” my first mobile phone and it was mainly because I was addicting to texting. I was texting so much that even when I was using the public restroom, I was still doing so. When the automatic flush went off, it shocked me and I dropped my phone and it got flushed away. Funny, isn’t it? Well, I really miss those times when we still text others to find out what they are doing. Please don’t misunderstand and think that I’m criticising technology because I do have to thank it for providing much connivence in our lives. Anyway, the whole point of this is just to say that the world has evolved so much that technology would eventually be overtaken by some unknown source in the future.

I believe there’s just too much of things to complain about in this world, but guess what? Life still goes on and everyone still hates you. Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s 4:40AM not so… I hope you understand. :)