falling snow
I wrote something yesterday but deleted it eventually because it was rather pessimistic and emotional. I can’t help but feel this way actually. I wish I was a happier person. I wish people around me would be happier. I was actually saying (in another post) that it would be really sad (or awkward for some) if you find that your best friend’s best friend is not you. I don’t know if you’d understand what I’m saying, but if you do, you’re good. Well, I would be really sad, and that’s why I’m trying to expect less from friendship so the disappointment wouldn’t be that substantial. As I’ve said, I’m trying to, but I’m not quite successful in it. I expect a lot from others, I really do. I expect a lot from myself too. And that’s why I’m never unfamiliar with major disappointments in life. I guess I just have to learn not to give a damn about every single thing in life because some people come and go, and it’s useless if we try to keep them in our lives because they don’t belong there in the first place. Alright this post is sounding too pathetic so I shall stop here and come back when I feel like it.
PS: I’m so annoyed with this person because she’s forever treating me like shit. Thanks for only approaching me when you need me and treating me like a glass when you have someone else to talk to. Thanks so much.
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happy birthday daddy
We haven’t celebrated yet so… I’m here blogging while waiting for time to pass quickly. We’re definitely gonna have a good dinner. :) Anyway, I’m back for now and I bought a pair of new sneakers! Yeah, oozing with happiness right now because it’s only $89.90. :D (and I wasn’t the one who paid for it)
Couldn’t be bothered to take a photo of it but uh, how cares. I’m the one wearing it anyway. ;) Sorry for being so indifferent about things now because I didn’t have a good sleep last night and I’m really tired now. I guess it’s time for me to take a nap so that I’ll enjoy tonight more. :)
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young and foolish
I’m sorry. No matter how short this post is, I just wanna say that when I look back at the old entries of this blog, I feel like laughing because I was so young and foolish. But again, life was so much more carefree as compared to now. Being passionate about choir, friends and family. Those things were what I needed the most. But now…
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i miss twelveheroes
Hi there, brendalim94 is back after abandoning this blog for so long. To be honest, I miss twelveheroes. I was so stupid that I deleted my previous blog and the username and now I have to use this url. Not that I despise my own name and birth year, but it sounds a little too serious and all. But it’s okay, what’s done is done and I should comfort myself by saying that at least I’ll be able to keep this blog till I die as the url would never get childish. :) Alright, that was a little morbid but I’m sure you get what I mean.
Life’s been mediocre nowadays but singing Christmas carols has made my life a little better than before, though I have to admit that ever since after promos, I’ve lost the ability to sing properly, argh. Christmas carols are really fun and heartwarming, and I guess I love them all. I love Christmas actually. I miss how my extended family would still hold Christmas gatherings annually at someone’s house without fail, but since two years ago, we’ve stopped doing that. It’s a pity. /nods But my love for Christmas hasn’t been affected, which is a good thing. :) I can’t wait for Christmas! I should seriously get some gifts soon~
Actually, I have been emotional these few days thinking about life and such, and none of the thoughts has an optimistic outcome. I kept thinking that life is after all meaningless. (No, not suicidal so you don’t have to call an ambulance to save me now) I was just returning home from school today when I saw the bicycle shop which was near my house. The owner has everything he needed — a stable job, a wife, and a kid. What more can he ask for? But I realise how aimless my life would be if I’m in his shoes. What would it be like tomorrow? What should I do tomorrow? In fact, every time I walk past his shop, he would always be sitting at the corner of the shop, reading a newspaper or just staring into space. I mean, he might like what he is doing for his passion for those two-wheeled machines, but… what is the aim or goal he has in his life? To sell as many bikes as possible every day? I really don’t know. I’m sorry if what I said doesn’t make sense, but I’m trying to say that as students, we at least have an aim or a goal to strive for but imagine if we were to go out and work in the future where all we could aim for is to get a higher position and salary. How is that even meaningful?~ Okay, this really sounds depressing so I shouldn’t continue anymore. I sometimes wonder what goes through in my mind to think about such weird things. /sigh
Besides thinking about life and stuff, I’ve also come to face the cold reality of being an incompetent friend. I don’t actually know how many people consider myself as their true friend, but I do have to say that I have a handful of them whom I can trust and depend on. Yeah, whatever. I’m very dependent on others even though I’m the eldest (older) one at home. Back to the point, what I wanna say is that I’ve always been feeling disappointed in friendships I’ve made for the past few years actually. Why? Because I’m always feeling as though I’m not a good enough friend for others to trust and depend on. As mentioned, I do have a few whom I can trust and depend on, but I think none of them would trust me enough and depend on me when they need help. I’m not being pessimistic, but I’m just stating the fact. Perhaps I’m too unapproachable. Perhaps I’m to emotional. Perhaps I’m useless. I don’t know, but it seems that the way others treat me is very important to me. I saw this post on tumblr and it went like this: “That awkward moment when you find out that the best friend of your best friend is not you.” Well, it’s really awkward but if it’s me, I would be more upset and heartbroken than ever to find the truth out. I also hate it when people (friends) give me the feeling that they are being forced to call (or text) me. Hello there, you’re not being forced so you’re not obliged to phone me up or text me. I hate picking up phonecalls anyway.
I honestly miss those times when we would fear if our bills would go sky high because we were simply texting too much. I miss those “How are you?” and “What are you doing now?” texts a lot. Because of things like whatsapp and other social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, we feel less important for us to talk to our friends because everything that we want to know would be updated on facebook or tweeted. I still remember how I “lost” my first mobile phone and it was mainly because I was addicting to texting. I was texting so much that even when I was using the public restroom, I was still doing so. When the automatic flush went off, it shocked me and I dropped my phone and it got flushed away. Funny, isn’t it? Well, I really miss those times when we still text others to find out what they are doing. Please don’t misunderstand and think that I’m criticising technology because I do have to thank it for providing much connivence in our lives. Anyway, the whole point of this is just to say that the world has evolved so much that technology would eventually be overtaken by some unknown source in the future.
I believe there’s just too much of things to complain about in this world, but guess what? Life still goes on and everyone still hates you. Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s 4:40AM not so… I hope you understand. :)
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miser
Spent the last week shopping and bowling and it was indeed a fruitful week. I’ve even checked two items on my wishlist! – Baggu backpack and Kikki.k schedule book set. :D Relatives from M’sia would be coming over later and I’m looking forward to it! Love them as they’re forever so understanding and loving. :) However, as I needed to go to school just to hand in my result slip, I’m rather moody now. Alright, it’s my fault to have forgotten to hand it in in the first place but… /sigh Shan’t talk about this anymore. Anyway, I’m here because I feel as though I have neglected my blog for days and here I am, talking about random stuff that’s happening to me for the past few days. School’s starting on Thursday, /sobs.
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bukit timah
Went on a food trip today; initially wanted to drop by the converse warehouse sale but there were too many people and most of them were foreigners. :O
I’m just wondering, for the past few days, what actually makes a good friend. I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for anyone because nobody has actually confided in me with anything. It’s either I’m not trustworthy enough or that I’m not that pair of listening ears that people are looking for. I don’t know. I can never be good enough to help others no matter how hard I try. It hurts a lot when you find out that people whom you trust a lot do not actually trust you as much as you trust them. Do you understand what I mean?…
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a-cha!
Oh my, I’ve finally bought my first Super Junior album! I felt so excited just now that I really cried, haha, just kidding, but I was overjoyed. :) Caught Footloose today with the rest and it was really interesting and meaningful! I don’t have energy to continue this post anymore so here are some pictures taken for the day:
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hello
I really don’t know why, but even without understanding what he’s singing, his voice is enough to make me stop my work and listen to him. I bet many people are gonna comment on how ugly, how old, how fat he looks but hey, you aren’t that perfect in the first place alright. I get goosebumps listening to him and when I saw the lyrics, I nearly cried.
We can’t break up- It’s too early for separation for us
You can’t just leave me like this
There’s so much that I didn’t say yet
Please don’t leave me like thisBecause it’s you, I’m-
Because it was you, I-
I can’t go on like this
The reason I live is only you
Please don’t leave meYou are my love, my love that I long for
You’re the person that used to love me
Now I can’t touch you but
Will you long for me as much as I long for you?
The person that I loved crazily, hello helloBecause I loved you, I’m-
Because I really loved you, I’m-
Suffering to the point of death, to the point of death
Can you see me dying and not alive?
Please come back to meYou are my love, my love that I long for
You’re the person that used to love me
Now I can’t touch you but
Will you long for me as much as I long for you?
The person that I loved crazilyIf it was going to end like this
If this is really the end
I want to go back to the time when we didn’t know each other
If it’s too late, if it’s too late
I think I’ll finish myself because living is too hard
Alright, I know I might not even understand what it is like to love someone so much, but I think the singer himself broke up with his girlfriend days before this album of his came out and imagine what he’s going through. Actually I don’t know if the source is true, but whatever it is, he sings with passion and he sings with his life. I salute him for the undying passion he has for singing and I really wonder if I’d be able to find something that I’m so passionate about…
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judgmental
I really don’t know how I should put it, but I sometimes hope people would be less judgmental. I know this is impossible because as human, we would always judge people no matter how many times we emphasize on the fact that it’s not right to judge others because you’re not perfect either. However, I do believe that we can judge less and look at the better sides of human more. Yes, that person is fat but do you think s/he wants to be like that? Yes, that person has no dress sense but do you realise that s/he has no friends/family who are close/honest enough to tell them that? Yes, that person is whatever, but do you think you’re perfect? I really don’t know. I myself know that I’m not perfect either. I do judge people, I admit, but I keep most of the thoughts in my head. I have my own flaws and I really understand how it is like to be judged for the things you can’t even control. I mean, when we can all decide on how good we look, how fashionable we are or how smart we are, who wouldn’t choose to be the best in every aspect? These things are superficial and cannot be controlled so I don’t see why fat or ugly people should be teased or judged upon. In the first place, how do you determine one’s beauty?
I have to admit that I don’t really know what I’ve just typed because I’m quite out of my mind after watching three episodes of Poseidon. It’s a great Korean drama, to be honest. And when I say it’s great, it would really be great because I’m not a person who watches drama. :) Okay, it’s not like I’m forcing you to watch or anything, but it’s just a casual remark. Currently watching Little Britain on my laptop now and oh my, it has been ages since I’ve last watched it, haha. I do find the comedic effects less entertaining now though, but they’re still entertaining and Matt and David are totally talented. :) That’s all for now, bye!
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speaking
I have to really say that singing is easier then speaking. This is a personal claim so do not flame me for this alright. But as mentioned, I honestly think that singing is way easier than speaking, at least for my case. I have to say that my speaking and singing voices differ a lot and apparently people keep thinking that I can speak as “melodiously” as I am when I’m singing. The problem is that I can’t. I don’t believe in explaining to people who don’t understand so I guess I have to suck it up and try to change my speaking voice and let me tell you this once and for all, it sucks. Raising pitch, sounding enthusiastic, emphasize on words,… The list is endless. Anyway, since I’m blogging now and not speaking to you, I guess I should talk about other stuff.
Actually,… I don’t really know why I’m here in the first place. It’s 2:45AM now and I think I’m crazy. Thoughts kept going through in my mind as I wondered what would happen to me later at 3:00PM when my mum and I meet the P/VP. I hope they would be nice, really. I can just imagine myself being indifferent about what he/she is going to say if I get a horrible HOD. I really need advice from them, I really need it. I mean, I’ve made up my mind to ______ but I still need advice about plans for next year. I hope they’d really help me.
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